Well, doesn't this just get harder and harder as the days go by? It's really hard to put up a front. Really hard. After that whole breakdown, I realized how pathetic I am with being single. Sometimes I find myself counting the days since November. Maybe because I wanna see how far I've come and really grown from this? Or really believe that it's never gonna be the same? I have no clue why I do this, but I realize I shouldn't.

The more I try to be your "friend," the more I see... that what we had was all a joke. A big joke, actually. Never would I have thought that 'us' would just turn into 'I don't wanna talk to you.' I swear until this very day, that I'm still tryna convince myself that my 2 and half years with you was a mere experience, but I really can't help but see it as one fucking lie. Like damn, 5 months into the single life, and you're set...Fuck, Alyssa.

Then again on the flip side... what am I doing.
Hell no, should I be caring about you.
Hell no. I will not let this get in the way of everything I could have right now.
I swear... I will continue to tell myself I am better than this....